Some years ago, we were in Thailand, attending a ten-day silent-meditation retreat. Each day a cheerful Buddhist monk would come to teach, and he would always ask us: "Are you happier today than you were yesterday?" As he said this, a wide smile would fill his face because he knew that we were confronting numerous obstacles to happiness, and not just the ones in our own minds. As beautiful as the coconut grove was, we were living with mosquitoes, centipedes, and snakes, sleeping on wooden planks, and did not eat after midday. How were we expected to find happiness amidst such extremes?
Yet despite his humorous tone, the smiling monk's question was a genuine one. We were on a meditation retreat. If we were not beginning to feel happier as a result, then what was the point of being there? Why meditate if we don't enjoy it?
Every day he asked us that same question, "Are you happier today than you were yesterday?" This had the effect of highlighting the extent to which we were preoccupied with our own concerns, doubts, and conflicts, and even how difficulties can actually feel more familiar and meaningful than joy. How easy it was to blame physical discomforts for our lack of happiness!
Almost everything we do in life is to achieve something: If we do this, then we will get that; if we do that, then this will happen. We are not used to doing something without an agenda. But in meditation we do it just because we want to. There is no ulterior motive other than to be here, in the present, without a goal of succeeding or of trying to get anywhere.
If our purpose is to try to achieve a quiet mind, then the trying itself will create tension and failure. Instead, we are just with whatever is happening in the moment, whether it is pleasant or unpleasant. No judgment, no right or wrong. Watching whatever arises and letting it go is all that is required. It is more of an undoing than a doing.
It is most important that we make friends with meditation. We are not here to battle with ourselves; meditation is not the enemy. Nor do we need to make excuses, complaining that our mind is too busy or restless. Rather than resisting stillness, we can let the business and discomfort become our meditation.
In the same way, it will be of no help at all if we feel we have to meditate, and then feel guilty if we miss the allotted time or only do ten minutes when we had promised to do thirty. It is much better to practice for a just a few minutes and to enjoy what we are doing than to make ourselves sit there, teeth gritted, because we have been told that only thirty minutes will have any affect. Meditation is a companion for us to have throughout our life, like a dear friend we turn to when in need of reflection, inspiration, and clarity. It is to be enjoyed!
Practicing meditation means slowly and gently training the mind to do something it may not have done before: to be still. The technique gives the mind an activity, and every time it wanders off on a thinking spree, we simply notice this and bring it back to the practice. The experience of stillness is accumulative: The more we are still, so slowly, the mind becomes quieter.
Here is a short practice for you to try:
Anytime you feel stress rising, heart closing, mind going into overwhelm, just find a place to be quiet, and focus on your natural breathing. As you do this, silently repeat one of the following:
* "Soft belly, open heart" with each in- and out-breath
* "Breathing in, I calm the body and mind; breathing out, I smile."
* "I am easeful and peaceful, I am love."
Is meditation your friend? Do you struggle with it? Do comment below. You can receive notice of our blogs every Tuesday by checking Become a Fan at the top.
You can learn more in our latest book: BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You and the World, or from our three meditation CD's.
Enjoy our Friday weekly blogs on Oprah.com/spirit
Ed and Deb Shapiro's book, BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You And The World, forewords by the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman, with contributors Marianne Williamson, astronaut Edgar Mitchell, Jane Fonda, and others.
We will be teaching at the Institute of Noetic Sciences in California, June 18-20, with special guest speaker astronaut Edgar Mitchell
Our 3 meditation CD's: Metta--Loving kindness and Forgiveness; Samadhi-Breath Awareness and Insight; and Yoga Nidra-Inner Conscious Relaxation, are available at: www.EdandDebShapiro.com