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Balderdash Cook Takes A Vacation: Chaos Unfolds!

May 28, 2011 3:24:23 PM - thesundayleader.lk

These days, I’m most definitely not cut out for the role of  Domestic Goddess. My nails are all split and broken and the polish peels off.
I exude an aroma of garlic and onions. It seems to have permeated my skin. The cook has taken leave for the past two weeks and it’s high time she returned. As usual, she has left a long string of broken/missing objects in her wake. I have had to trudge to Arpico to buy can and bottle openers,  potato peelers and the like. It was really hot, but nothing compared to my molten fury. Yet another blender has been broken, one of the kitchen burners refuses to ignite and not a word of warning was passed on to me. If and when she does return, a long drawn out explanation will be given to me and then she will say, “Cut it from my salary,” all the while knowing I won’t do it. What is most infuriating is that her cellphone, which rings incessantly when she’s here, is permanently switched off, even though I warned her to please answer it. Oh well, patience isn’t a virtue I possess!
The housemaid, who is probably fed up of tidying up our messes, keeps volunteering to cook this and that, but then I’ve found it results in mountains of ironing piling up, and things in general disarray. In the midst of all this, our doggie takes full advantage of the situation, and keeps coming indoors and settling himself comfortably on any available couch, bed or underneath the fan. He totally defies me and even when I yell at him, he wags his tail, grins at me and doesn’t budge an inch. There’s fur to contend with as well. With the absolute deluge we had this morning, there was water that had beaten in all over the house, as well as leaks. The whole house seems to be full of broken things that need repairing. I finally managed to beg of a handyman to grace us with his presence, and I explained what had to be done. I told him I would be back in a while since I had to go out. When I returned, I found he had attended only to half the jobs, and then told the maid he was really hungry and we usually give him a meal etc. So she had given him some food and he had told her he would come back next week to finish the balance work. Grrrr! That means more pleading and cajoling if I want to finish up the repairs.
Dancing Doll has decided to create a little area downstairs for her to “chill” in. When she first mentioned it, my heart sank, as all her schemes involve lots of money. Anyway, we aim to please, so after lots of consultations and loads of purchases, she has started on this project. Of course, I automatically assume the role of general dogsbody. I am told peremptorily, “I don’t like this exposed wire, can you see that it is hidden? The curtains are too short, can you get the tailor to add a border? I need an additional light bulb here! See that this lampshade doesn’t block out this painting. I hate these chairs, please get them removed!” and so on. Anyway, we can already see that the end result is going to be really “cool!” You see, they are so busy they don’t have time for little details, unlike me, who anyway has to practice skills to wheedle workmen to do their work!
I also bear the unofficial title of ‘Logistics Manager.’ The girls whizz in and out, on their way to exciting happenings. It is commonly assumed that vehicles bearing plenty of fuel are always at their disposal. The pleasurable task of keeping track of who’s going where and at what time has also fallen on my shoulders, as they are too rushed or tired to check with each other.
I don’t think we had such a hectic social life when we were their age. I rather envy them! We didn’t meet often with our friends unless they lived within walking distance. But they move around with their friends frequently and that is a good thing, because in the end one’s old friends are the people who are there for you in good times and bad, unlike mere acquaintances. And now I have to check on the dinner, and who exactly will be here to consume it!

- Honky Tonk Woman