Free Lanka Maatha…
by Gamini Weerakoon
The International Monetary Fund, World Bank together with Western neo colonialists and fellow travellers have sabotaged the scheme to enable our poor school children get their free quota of cloth for their uniforms… This was sabotage to destabilise this country by changing the system of direct ceremonial presentation of cloth at state expense to students by Ministers and having it covered on national TV as was done under our government, he thundered.
Sil Redi on voucher system
Achilli Currya: It was the government of JRJ that first gave free books and free uniforms to students. In fact , we inaugurated the free education system. Had your side distributed Sil Redi at state expense on the voucher system, your side might have even won the last election; don’t be jealous.
And our Upasaka Ammas and Upasakayas would have become UPFA Arahats over night said Hela Karumaya’s Go-man Pillai and added: This is obviously an International conspiracy. Cheap cloth will be purchased from CIA agencies abroad and given to collaborating mudalalies to be sold at much greater cost than before to kids. Why only free books and uniforms. Why not free footwear? Should Sri Lanka, a middle income country have barefoot children going to school?
Ravi Kay: All this needs money. We need foreign investors.
Vasupatthata: And sell our land to foreigners?
Ravi Kay: Why not? You gave the Chinese land in Colombo Summa
Vasupatthata: Who gave land to Chinese? Not our party. I am only in the Joint…
At this stage the Moderator (looking impressive in the humid heat in a an impressionable Wedding suit) called for a ‘keti viramaya’ (Recess) to diffuse tension building up.
On Resumption of Bahubootha.
Achill Curriya: So you want free schools, free books and uniforms, free shoes (perhaps with socks attached).What else?
Go-Man Pillai: Education is not only class rooms, books, uniforms and shoes. They need gyms, swimming pools, stadiums — all for free. What about transport to school? Their parents will need at least one car per family.
Hival Beerawansa: That’s what half the budget debate has been about. Your Yasapalanaya government is trying to do away with the tax free vehicle permit and thereby attempting to cripple the whole economy.
The government is run by government servants and if government servants don’t have their cars to bring their wives to work and children to school how can a government work? You can’t expect government servants to travel by bus, train or risk their lives like those idiotic private sector employees taking their families numbering around five on motor cycles or packing 15 to 20 (including neighbours) in phut- phuts?
Ding-Dong Gun–warden (genuine son of the revolution) What about jobs for students when they pass out?
You have to provide them with employment.
Ravi Kay: Where? In government or private sector?
Ding Dong: Of course government service like their fathers and mothers.
Ravi Kay: But there are no vacancies in government sector.
Ding Dong : That’s what your party said when in power but when we came back we recruited thousands into government service.
Ravi Kay: But there is no work for them. Can’t appoint them even as teachers. Many schools have been closed.
Hival Bee: Why can’t teachers be appointed to closed schools if you can pay their salaries?
Ravi Kay: Like those in the opposition — no work but full pay, subsidised meals, duty free cars, allowances etc, etc. Politicians have been concentrating their efforts only on the young generation but what of the old generation such as those who revolted against anything that worked since the 1930s like our Marxist comrades now in their dotage? Even Vimukthi Sahodarayas who revolted in the seventies are now in their late sixties after staging another disastrous revolution in ’89-‘ 90.They are not getting government pensions and have no EPF and ETF. We are planning a social security system for all ages.
Hival Beerawansa: This is another International conspiracy to destroy the public service and do away with government pensions under the dictates of the IMF, World Bank and America. We don’t want social security for all. We are only asking for enlarging of government service, government pensions, pensions, duty free car permits for MPs and government servants.
Ranjan Ra: I am surprised that this informed panel has so far not touched upon two of the most vital stages in life: Procreation and Death.
The state must subsidise procreation by providing more rest houses and rooms in tourist hotels for couples at cheap rates without questions being asked. Free private maternity clinics to be provided for better and more efficient service. Marriage certificates be provided on signing on the dotted line immediately and a free honeymoon for every couple. Free delivery births and all facilities provided free at state expense and thereafter.
For life after death free ‘Sil Redi’ to be delivered to all upasakas and Upasaka ammas at temples on poya days. May they attain Arahat hood if not nirvana with the assistance of state funds while those responsible for the donations be elected Presidents.
When awaiting for the final call in the Departure Lounge they be guaranteed a funeral with all requests granted at state expense and a free plot of land six by four feet donated to every Sri Lankan corpse or the ashes.
Moderator of Bhabootha: In conclusion, ladies and gentlemen, may I say that consensus has been reached at this show that: In the Free Republic of Free Lanka all citizens shall be entitled to all free facilities from procreation to death and thereafter. Every citizen, shall be entitled to everything free of charges — education, books, uniforms, shoes, socks, higher education, duty free cars, entry into government service with pensions, free Sil Redi, free funeral and free graves.
All these proposals made by the learned at this assembly be incorporated in the next constitution and the opening bars of the National Anthem be amended to:
Free Lanka Maatha,
Appa free- eee Lanka..
All free , all free, all free in Lanka.
