Why Are Men Never At Fault?

Asks Amali, the single mother featured in the story titled “Married With Children” featured in The Sunday Leader of September 12.  We publish below a reply sent in by Amali to a letter by Ravi Warnakula published last week, wherein he suggests stoning to death…
I would like to take this opportunity to thank Ms. Frederica Jansz, the Chief Editor of The Sunday Leader for publishing my story and  Ms. Ranee Mohamed who took the time to visit me, listen to my story and write it. I hope it will be an eye opener to all young women out there.

I have read with shock all the abuse and insults directed at me and my baby which were published in your web pages.  I think I will have to learn to live with being hurt for the rest of my life.

However I  am  grateful for the few kind and generous people who have offered to help me and my innocent baby after reading Ranee Mohamed’s article. They have viewed my plight more humanely than Mr. Ravi Warnakula. It does make me wonder why someone as righteous as Mr. Warnakula who is so eager to blame me fails to hold Kasun accountable for his actions. Is it because you Mr. Warnakula condone his despicable behaviour?

I made a mistake. Something I will regret for the rest of my life. I am not trying to justify my actions. The anguish I have caused my parents who have loved me through it all, the cries of my innocent baby are  agonies  that I must live with everyday.  However, am I the only one who must accept responsibility? What about Kasun who fathered this baby?

Kasun has taken the coward’s way out. He has not come for the DNA test. He is in hiding — gone abroad — using his parents as a shield. They are trying to protect their son from shame. If Kasun is not guilty as they all claim, why does he not come  for the DNA?

He had no respect for his family and selfishly thought of only fulfilling his needs while wearing a ‘mask’ at home. He played the ‘loving husband’ at home. We are both at fault. So why am I the only one getting the blame? Kasun is just as guilty of adultery. He was unfaithful to his wife and child. So am I the only one who should be stoned to death? In your esteemed opinion Mr. Warnakula is Kasun above reproach simply because he is  a man?

He betrayed me. When it was time for him to accept responsibility and make amends for his action, he ran. I must now carry the whole burden alone. I suffered for what I did, I am  suffering and will continue to suffer. But does my baby have to suffer for what Kasun and I did? She is so innocent and pure. She has no idea of what is going on around her but she must go to courts when she’s just three months old, to fight for her birthright. People call this innocent baby a ‘fatherless child’, but this is not true. She has a father, a cowardly father who ran away from reality when it was time for him to accept responsibility.  All I seek is justice for my baby, for her father to accept paternity and free her from a life of shame. Is that too much to ask?

No child is born in to this world without a father. I think we all know that. So why is it that our society only blames the women? If Mr. Warnakula you want to stone me to death, I say please look for Kasun and give him similar punishment because he deserves it too. I’m sure you’re aware that you can’t clap single handedly.

There are many mothers out there just like me. They cannot bring up their children so they leave them at orphanages. Some even go on to take desperate steps as leave their babies in bus halts and choose to get on with their lives. The story then goes that a woman left a baby in the bus halt. There is no mention of the man. No one is interested in the man. He is free by birth – because he is a man.

I did not give my baby to an orphanage, because I know how children are treated in some such places. I saw it for myself. I sought the hard way to keep my baby with me and give her justice. She deserves no less.

If am as vile as you claim, I would have broken the news to Kasun’s wife, I did not do that. This story then would have taken a whole different turn. Yet Kasun’s wife saw everything with her own eyes. Does she still believe her husband is innocent?

When I was pregnant she assaulted me. There is only mention of Kasun’s three year old. What about the four month old infant who must go to courts to seek justice? She is also his child.

There are women who abandon their children. The law prosecutes them while the men get off scot free. Free – to deceive other gullible women. If Kasun is not brought to justice he will continue to destroy the lives of other naive women who are foolish enough to trust him. There are many women out there with similar stories like mine. But they remain silent. They do not speak up because society condones the behaviour of the men while the women are left to take the blame. But I took the risk, I spoke up.

Kasun is not only an adulterer but a thief and coward as well. If he’s as guiltless as you portray him to be Mr. Warnakula, all I ask is that he come and prove his innocence. A simple DNA test is all that’s required.

Finally, I sincerely want to thank everyone who genuinely volunteered to help me and my innocent baby after reading  Ranee Mohamed’s article. This writer will be eternally blessed for bringing a ray of happiness to my life. I am eternally grateful to all who looked at my life and plight the way human beings do.
Amali