The accidental Olympian
“Did you really have to tell the whole world you were in a bad mood?” Kuraishini Navaratne, a friend, e-mailed from Turkey. “It’s the Olympics, man, cheer up!” she admonished.
Can the Olympics cheer me up? Tuned into the games to find out. Watching Queenie jump off a helicopter was too much to handle but British humor has certainly come to the party.
The swashbuckling opening ceremony offered a high-tech window to the lofty past of an all-conquering nation of explorers. Conspicuously left out of the script was the colonial exploits which turned Britain into the world’s greatest empire.
Ironically, Britain’s greatest gift to sports, cricket, was yet again a non-starter, leaving over two billion aficionados around the world despondent that precious metal is lavished on lesser-known games. Watching the tiny Lankan team was both a proud and sad moment.
Start now for the next Olympics. Pick a few sports where we have a fighting chance and train like our friends the Chinese do. We are world-beaters in racketeering and buck passing, but for our luck they are not Olympic sports.
The 400m hurdles event is, and a story doing the round in the US is about how an American athlete is running as a wild card entry for none other than Sri Lanka. Christine Sonali Merrill is every bit Sri Lankan even though she has lived the better part of her life in the US and almost made it to the US team, missing the cut by a whisker. Then it happened.
In Sri Lanka, Sonali’s uncle arranged for a newspaper write up of the young athlete’s exploits. A Sports Ministry official who read it contacted the US Embassy, which called her college. “Sri Lanka is looking for you,” a text message to Sonali from her coach read.
Sonali is tipped to be a medal contender at the next games but the US will have an eye on her. The young athlete who has just begun to use her middle name may just not forget her roots. A medal for Sri Lanka makes bigger news, too, just as it’s doing right now with the media calling her ‘the accidental Olympian’.
Vajira, a good friend, called frantically from Malaysia to say that he couldn’t get his wife off the shopping precinct. He thinks that his shopaholic wife would put a cross-country runner to shame with her blistering escapades in Kuala Lumpur. He also said that the queue to get into Petronas Towers was four days long, with only a limited number of people being issued tickets each day.
Islanders know how to make a fast buck. Hooters came from nowhere and suddenly it was mayhem at Kehttharama. The deafening noise outgunned the legendary paparé bands but came to a jarring stop with Sri Lanka Cricket banning the ‘nuisance’.
‘Vuvuzelas’ as they are notoriously known can be up to seven times louder than a chainsaw and could go over the physical pain threshold of 125 decibels, according to Cricinfo.
Hooters may now make an appearance in kitchens and bedrooms across the island. Many married men believe it may be the answer to their long-drawn prayers. But can the infamous hooter silence the undisputed winner of home-front duels? Husbands are finally going for the gold. Will the wives stop them? Let’s pray the spirit of the Olympics will come unscathed.
Seriously, what is more irritating; hooters or wives? I can feel the response coming. Quick, run for cover!
(Dinesh Watawana is a former foreign correspondent and military analyst. He is a brand consultant and heads The 7th Frontier, an integrated communications agency which masterminded the globally-acclaimed eco tourism hotspot KumbukRiver. Email him at dinna7th@sltnet.lk.)
